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Ladies and Gents...

...Your Mistress Has Arrived...

4/17/07 03:33 am

/happydance

manson has a myspace with his new song.  

i cant stop listening to it.

/love

3/31/07 04:45 pm

i love type o negative!  yay!  i will be seeing them in like 3 hours so i'm all sorts of freaking excited!

YAY!

3/19/07 11:22 pm - and this is how we roll...

a little background for those of who you haven't heard by now:

patrick and i met when we were 16 through a few mutual friends.  he proposed 4 years later, and did something terrible to me 1 month after that.  He was not allowed contact with me of any sort by the court because of what he did.  because of this, i missed the birth of an angel and the first year and a half of her life.  her life that at one time i was the only one fighting for.  a year ago i violated the court order and initiated contact with him.  due to a few life events, i decided that the time we shared together was worth attempting to be friends again.  i went against everyone telling me not to and we worked to get the protective order removed.  we began dating again.  we began making plans for our future again.  he proposed again.

then, yesterday, i found out he was cheating on me.  less than 1 month after he gave me my ring, he started talking to a girl in rhode island.  constantly.  now i, like every other girl out there, thought it would never happen to me.  i never suspected him of cheating, and never thought he would even think of cheating on me.  however, 3 years ago i never thought THAT would ever happen to me.  

so, after screaming and crying and denying, and finally admitting, and 2 hours sleep and 6 hours of thinking at work, i decided that we could try to talk things through.  i got the answers i wanted, and he seems to understand what he did.  he didn't just cheat on me, he ruined our relationship for the rest of ours lives.  no matter what, i will forever assume he's cheating on me.  any girl he meets, every night out with the guys, every phone call.  i'm not the jealous type and never have been because i think i'm better than everyone.  i know i'm the best that he could ever have.  i wasn't the suspicious type before because i know how much he loves me, i never thought he'd do something to risk our relationship.  but he did.  i will now be suspicious for the rest of my life.  i will now be untrusting for the rest of my life.

but we're going to work past this.  there isn't a magic time limit on when i'll trust him again though.  each day is a new one with new possibilities.  he knows its not going to be easy but he's willing to make it work.  when he told me he would do anything, i told him 1) if anything, no matter how small, happens again, its over, no more second chances, no more questions, over.  2) if he's friends with a girl or an ex, i'm friends with them too.  he knows my guy friends and ex's so no big deal, right?  3) no contact with sarah at all, of any kind, ever.  he called her on speaker phone to tell her, he deleted and blocked her on myspace, over.  he is dead to her.  i made him choose me or her, he chose me.  if i find out otherwise, it's over.  all up to him at this point.  

so you fat ass ugly piece of shit, if you read this, understand me.  i'm throwing it in your huge fucking face.  i don't give a shit how fucked up your family is, if your real family doesn't love you, if you're a failure at life, if you're too stupid to see that people don't like you just using you.

a)  get your own life
b)  go crawl in a hole and die

your choice.  i don't care, i just know i'll laugh when no one goes to your funeral.

no contact.  none. 

3/7/07 12:17 am - not sure...

i feel weird.  

not sure how to put it in words yet, or if i even want to, but yeah.  

i have some research to do, thats for sure.

2/19/07 01:56 am - woah x2

ok oh my f'n god x2 tonight...

holy shit i found jj.

yeah, jj.  as in jon fiume.  as in i can die happy now.  yeah.  wow.  

ok no more blogging while intoxicated.  g'night.

but holy f'n wow!

2/19/07 01:10 am - woah

OH-MY-GOD.

yeah.

yep.

*giggle*

12/27/06 01:54 pm - presents for me!

So x-mas and my b-day rocked. i love everyone! i got a bench grinder, so awesome. now the dremmel is for cutting only! my mommy and brother and sister and bob and george got me a shopping vaca to the outlets which i'm SOOO excited for. hotel, gas, dinner, car munchies, and lotsa $$$. and the entire 2006 Wizard of Oz Barbie set, which is on e-bay for $250+, lol. oh and i got the only 4 Anne Rice books that i didn't have in hard cover, so my collection is complete.

oh yeah, and pat got me a new D&B back which is super cute and guess what was inside? my ring. yep, my rock is back on my finger. *sparkle sparkle*

now i have to go to work cuz it's not my b-day anymore.

12/23/06 02:06 am

YAY!!!!!!!!!!

my birthday weekend has started!!! i've been drinkin since like 9 and playing WoW and chillin w/ the crew and its good times!!!

lol, jimmy rock star just posted a bulletin saying he was bored so i gave him my # with a bunch or warning! danger! etc after it and he called so we had a nice drunken phone call. he says he might show up for my b-day bash tonight!!!

AQUANETT IN 20 HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yay. aquanett = leater = beer = awesome. aquanett ftw!

yep i'm excited. and drunk. yay!

ok.byefornow.loveyou.bye!

12/6/06 01:31 am - weee!

ok so i woke up to find that the server maintenance on my game was extended, BOO! but that was ok cuz it forced me to actually get stuff done, like wrap presents, laundry, etc.

then it was 4:30! yay! jess met me here and she went with me to my photoshoot thingie at Jeremy's! 3 cheers for new tattoo pics! i was even more excited to hear that a few guys in a few bands i like are going to be in the same book! like, page 32, anna's ink, page 35, "insert name here" of the band "blah blah"'s ink. neat!

so then i got home and the server came back up at 10 so i played till like midnight. now i'm talkin on AIM, which i never do. catching up on the good ole days is always fun.

tomorrow... well, work, not sure what else though.

ok g'night now!

10/22/06 10:50 pm - (rebelling against subject lines again)

last night was gwar! i got trashed, covered in blood, and took a ton of pics. they are on myspace and i'm lazy so you have to look there if you want to see them.

jess and i went up to mount ida to watch her big little bro coach football. i swear you could bounce a quarter off that kids ass...

halloween costumes are done for the most part, just have to finish up the boy's jacket.

after halloween i'm not sewing for a while. i NEED to work on my carpentry. its taking every bit of self control i have now to finish sewing and not make a dresser or ouija board or anything out of wood.

i have to get the flyers for the food drive ready tomorrow. blah. i love helping people, but no one else in the department is doing anything to get this rolling.

i still hate that bitch. whether i know her or not, there aren't that many people who can annoy me just by being present. high school drama? nope. if it was high school i'd still be under 18 and would have beat her ass out of everyone's life. no, definately not high school.

i might quit smoking. not sure yet, but maybe. its not a physical chemical addiction with me, so i know i can, i have before, i just like it. gross for the rest of world maybe, but i like it.

pat told me last night that he'll marry me before he goes on tour in march. it wont be our big crazy ceremony we've been planning, but i'm still excited. i just wanna get married. i can wait for the dress and flowers and cake.

i'm gonna go play WoW now since my bf (finace? lol) ditched me and wentto deicide without me. only 18 lvls to go by 12/10. then i get the expansion pack. yep. i'm a WoW geek, i don't care.
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